蒼涼的苦澀

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Would you not fancy, from this picture, that Gruffanuff must have been a person of highest birth? She looks so haughty that I should have thought her a princess at the very least, with a pedigree reaching as far back as the Deluge. But this lady was no better born than many other ladies who give themselves airs; and all sensible people laughed at her absurd pretensions. The fact is, she had been maid-servant to the Queen when her Majesty was only Princess, and her husband had been head footman; but after his death or DISAPPEARANCE, of which you shall hear presently, this Mrs. Gruffanuff, by flattering, toadying, and wheedling her royal mistress, became a favorite with the Queen (who was rather a weak woman), and her Majesty gave her a title, and made her nursery governess to the Princess.

And now I must tell you about the Princess’s learning and accomplishments, for which she had such a wonderful character. Clever Angelica certainly was, but as IDLE AS POSSIBLE. Play at sight, indeed! she could play one or two pieces, and pretend that she had never seen them before; she could answer half a dozen “Mangnall’s Questions;” but then you must take care to ask the RIGHT ones. As for her languages, she had masters in plenty, but I doubt whether she knew more than a few phrases in each, for all her presence; and as for her embroidery and her drawing, she showed beautiful specimens, it is true, but WHO DID THEM?

This obliges me to tell the truth, and to do so I must go back ever so far, and tell you about the FAIRY BLACKSTICK.

Between the kingdoms of Paflagonia and Crim Tartary, there lived a mysterious personage, who was known in those countries as the Fairy Blackstick, from the ebony wand or crutch which she carried; on which she rode to the moon sometimes, or upon other excursions of business or pleasure, and with which she performed her wonders. When she was young, and had been first taught the art of conjuring by the necromancer, her father, she was always practicing her skill, whizzing about from one kingdom to another upon her black stick, and conferring her fairy favors upon this Prince or that. She had scores of royal godchildren; turned numberless wicked people into beasts, birds, millstones, clocks, pumps, boot jacks, umbrellas, ; and, in a word, was one of the most active and officious of the whole college of fairies.
  

“He was playing the organ in one of the great churches of Rome on the day of the Feast of the Virgin. A choir of finely trained voices sang to his accompaniment his own glorious setting of the “Regina Coeli.” The music was gift ideas for women wonderful, startling, triumphant — ever rising in power and majesty to a magnificent finale, when suddenly a slight crash was heard; the organ ceased abruptly, the singers broke off. The musician was dead. He had fallen forward on the keys of the instrument, and when they raised him, his face was fairer than the face of any sculptured angel, so rapt was its smile. No one could tell exactly the cause of his death — he had always been remarkably strong and healthy. Everyone said it was heart-disease — it is the usual reason assigned by medical savants for these sudden departures out of the world. His loss was regretted by all, save myself and one other who loved him. We rejoiced, and still do rejoice, at his release.”

I speculated vaguely on the meaning of these last words, but I felt disinclined to ask any more questions, and Cellini, probably seeing this, worked on at his sketch without further converse. My eyes were growing heavy, and the printed words in the “Dead Musician’s Letters” danced before my sight like active little black demons with thin waving arms and legs. A curious reenex hong kong yet not unpleasant drowsiness stole over me, in which I heard the humming of the bees at the open window, the singing of the birds, and the voices of people in the hotel gardens, all united in one continuous murmur that seemed a long way off. I saw the sunshine and the shadow — I saw the majestic Leo stretched full length near the easel, and the slight supple form of Raffaello Cellini standing out in bold outline against the light; yet all seemed shifting and mingling strangely into a sort of wide radiance in which there was nothing but varying tints of colour. And could it have been my fancy, or did I actually SEE the curtain fall gradually away from my favourite picture, just enough for the face of the “Angel of Life” to be seen smiling down upon me? I rubbed my eyes violently, and started to my feet at the sound of the artist’s voice.

“I have tried your patience enough for to-day,” he said, and his words sounded muffled, as though they were being spoken through, a thick wall. “You can leave me now if you like.”

I stood before him mechanically, still holding the book he had lent me clasped in my hand. Irresolutely I raised my eyes towards the “Lords of our Life and Death.” It was closely veiled. I had then experienced an optical illusion. I forced myself to speak — to smile — to put back reenex cps the novel sensations that were overwhelming me.

“I think,” I said, and I heard myself speak as though I were somebody else at a great distance off —“I think, Signor Cellini, your Eastern wine has been too potent for me. My head is quite heavy, and I feel dazed.”
  

Looking at the smile on your face, stab me so pain, once we were so close, but now I just want to gently hold you, but I don't know where you are. I walk HKUE amec in the wet campus, wrapped in thick long, only to increase the temperature of a, let my heart no longer cold. Once I was naive to think that our fate is doomed, no matter how far apart, the line is always pulling me, take me to your direction. I do not know when, as long as far looked at you, I will not consciously happy, in that moment gazing at all his troubles. Your face is my most familiar memory, time will change out the edges and corners, but still maintain its original appearance, just as I see you one eye. You, or like that, or inner place the deepest memories.

Don't know is the arrangement of the day, or edge of the traction, you become my first deskmate when I was a student, though in a few times, during those six years, however, will you still impressed in my mind, to be my sole memory. Until now, I understand you to me is the most pure, the most sweet. At that time, you and I not get along well, quarrel is HKUE amec our common, we see each other not pleasing to the eye, if the teacher adjust seat, best never sit together before graduation. One of the most fierce, you are I pinched black and blue, in fact, whether it's all my masterpiece, already can't remember, anyway your nearest, will naturally give me issued by the "honour". In that day your mother call, although not completely in Europe, but everybody knows that the short is don't bully her son again. After listening to my temper, the next day to see you, embrace this life no longer speak a word with you determination, sat down angrily. Which expect, however, since then really no longer and you said a few words, because we soon graduated. The joy of my heart, never see you, is really good. Little imagine, this could be my permanent pain. From then on, I meet you again, you don't talk, I also don't meet, so we in a very short time become the most familiar stranger to each other. Occasionally we collided eyes, you are also dodge, don't you really hate me? I ask myself.

Time slipped away, just like that for three years, meet again entered the most obscure, high middle most memories. The whole high school to me, and not a lot of happiness. Life is so boring, every day the same operation, a "university" for full of my whole high school life. Vaguely remember that before graduation examination, I inadvertently in my test schedule stare down your name on the seat, you and I are in the same venue, just like a junior high school entrance examination. Suddenly, I feel the heartbeat is accelerated, so happy, finally has a chance to let me close to you. On the arrival of the glorious moment I met you in the examination of the examination room, at half-time, I suggested going out for a walk, you very readily agreed, so simply have speech communication between us. And you walk side by side in you and I together my best time on the playground of the campus, my mood is difficult to answer. I know I like you, don't know since when. I enjoy you bring me feeling, enjoyed alone with you together of the time, every minute is like paradise to me. But I know, I don't enjoy the sweet for too long, because we are way too confused. I'm afraid I can't afford to this love, the more afraid of hurt you. In that day I seemingly random asked 1: "are you?" You there looked at me suspiciously, whispered: "no." In retrospect, I really doubt whether you lied. "You?" You asked, "how do I? I, probably, my parents won't agree with, besides, I also don't want to." You didn't speak up well to light with a sigh. Then your friend ask you how to don't make track for me? You're just shook his head. You don't know your answer when I actually just behind you, watching you shake head, I both joy HKUE amec and sorrow. As a neighbor, you are always the best in my eyes, really thank you for not in my life the most critical time into my world, you let me keep the peace. Increasingly strong later because of how you feel, I began to contain himself, began to escape your shadow, to escape your eyes, don't go to looking at your direction. But when I look at you and laugh with each other and maybe other girls, my heart is so painful. You detect changes, I also start to avoid me, although you don't know why to do this? This state lasted for about half a year. Finally that the rainy season in June, or keep, and I also got what I want results, but will you fall in there. In fact I want to say I really want to hug you, really, just a cuddle. The desire to finally did not happen.

After three months, a distant and unfamiliar place from me. The upper part of the city is still that piece of the sky, will rain, will be fine, but I know, it is no longer in the sky of my memory, because of the lack of my familiar smell, the lack of your shadow. No matter how I put the eye, would never have let me gaze upon your face; No matter how long I wandered the campus, they no longer have your shadow traction to my direction. You disappear in my eyes, hiding in my world. Every day and night my mind emerge your shadow, whether it's conscious, or in a dream. You is that you, let me think for a long time of you, in my deep memory of you. You can appear anywhere in the world, but can't appear in my line of sight. I traveled every corner of the city to find your shadow, to pursue our memories, but I can't find, can't find. I came up, I seem to see you in my trance, I reached out to touch, just as I thought seize the moment, you fall in behind me, I quickly turned and, you have to see, but I just want to gently hold you.